What is love?

Women are born with that homing instinct and a dream of being loved and cherished by that special man of our dreams. When we meet a great guy and we hit it off with them right away, we are over the moon and filled with the joys of love.

We go on a few dates and everything is just amazing. He is so attractive, so much fun to hang around with and funny…and he says the sweetest things!

A few weeks later, you start wondering where things are headed. Why does he still take calls when other girls call him? The more you think about it, the more worried you become.

Then you hint towards some form of seriousness, going steady so that you do not have to worry about his intentions anymore. (At this point some girls will decide to be intimate with a guy, just to “seal the deal”. We will discuss the wisdom of this decision later on)

Unfortunately, he does not respond well to your hints. In fact, he becomes distant and may start acting aloof. This just turns your impatience into anxiety and you start trying harder to be a better girlfriend, doing everything you believe to be the right thing. You start looking after him, doing little favours, calling him often and the more you do the more distant he seems.

Eventually you crack and start yelling and screaming, demanding that he starts giving you attention right now. Unfortunately, any attraction he felt for you initially is gone.

For a guy to fall in love with a girl is a long process. Men do not get crazy crushes like we do, they get a deep and intense reaction and they cannot explain why. It is a sense of just wanting to be with her because she is fun to hang out with. Men like fun girls that laugh easily and are uncomplicated. Girls that can be themselves around guys and can laugh at themselves.

Men also take much slower to fall in love. They prefer a natural progression from casual dating into something more serious, unlike women who plan each stage carefully. A guy will start hanging out with a girl until one day when he will realize at the most impossible time, that he is in fact madly in love with her. When men experience that deep attraction, they become like little excited boys in a toyshop.

For men dating is a casual process of getting to know a woman, whereas with girls, it is often a means to an end. Women are born with that desire to be a wife and mother and we want to achieve that as soon as possible.

Reasons why teenagers date:

• Recreation - fun and enjoyment
• Learning - becoming more skilled at dating interactions
• Status - impressing others according to how often one dates and whom one dates
• Companionship - sharing pleasurable activities with another person
• Intimacy - establishing a close emotional relationship with another person
• Courtship - seeking someone to have as a steady partner

When you are ready to start dating, you need to do some work first which will ensure success. With success I mean that it will be a pleasant learning experience. You will not be married in a month’s time and you will never marry the first guy you date, but it will be a good foundation to build on to ensure that one day you will meet a great guy to share love with. After all, building love takes time and a relationship takes out of you, often more than what you get in return.

At such a young age, it is important not to over-invest in a relationship. Over-investing happens when:

• You give more than you receive in a relationship
• The other person’s expectations are too high
• The relationship is taken too seriously in light of your age
• You neglect family, friends, hobbies and duties in favour of another person
• You stop making time for yourself and things that were important to you before

If one or more of the points above applies, you need to take steps to either take charge of your own life or you should put an end to this relationship. Nobody is worth so much love and these emotional ties are not appropriate or healthy for someone your age.

Men react very differently to us women and they most certainly do not analyse our every move like we do theirs. We get excessively excited too soon and often ruin potential relationships by over-reacting.