Be wise about sex

Some of my friends have used sex to motivate a guy to commit to them - perhaps without realising it. Initially they would give in to sex and even enjoy it, particularly if a relationship forms. Women usually need that special emotional bond that comes with being physical with a man, believing he would feel the same. Once that bond is established, a woman would be more inclined to refuse. The man would still want as much sex, but in the woman’s mind, subconsciously, there would be some element of guilt or fear (of pregnancy perhaps) or perhaps she might feel that she now has “caught” him and soon enough she would start to feel like 'a piece of meat'. See, in young sexual relationships, the attention is soon diverted away from the courting process, where we are made to feel beautiful and special, to where sex is the focal point in a relationship.

Guys are not all about sex, but when they get it they are very happy. Men are hunters and they need to conquer, but conquering a woman of virtue is much more of a victory than getting some girl in bed. My mom always used to say that men want to date a wild girl, but marry a decent girl.

Believe it or not, but to a guy it is your personality that counts, the fact that you are a caring and good-natured person and your attitude to life is an important factor too. Taking care of your body and emotional well-being is a big plus!

If a person does not want to be in an exclusive relationship with you in order to have sex with you, he is not worth it!

A good frank talk upfront would be a good step to take:

• Discuss previous sexual partners - be sure not to act jealously, but mature and responsible. You don’t need to know the content of his sex-life, but to understand what you are up against and it will tell you a lot about him.

• Discuss sexual expectations - i. e. what and how often, anything you are not prepared to do.

• Discuss contraception and safe sex - what to use and who is responsible for what.

• Discuss the possibility of pregnancy and each person’s expectations regarding that.

• Share any information regarding previous or possible current sexually transmitted diseases.

All of this should be discussed upfront. That way you are aware upfront of both partners' expectations and views and you never need to argue about sex.

Remember to never, ever use sex as a tool to "catch" a man unless you are prepared to either keep up the act or learn to love sex.

I do not believe in casual sex, no matter how safe it is. I could go on reminding you of the fact that you can very easily catch diseases. . . Remember - if he can do it with you, he can do it to you. If you have casual sex with 2 people who have casual sex with two other women who have casual sex with 2 other people each and those people have sex with 2 women. . . . Yeah - I figured you would not like to go there! The picture also is not that great if you half these figures either.

At your age, relationships are not likely to last forever; hence you will end up sleeping with a few people before you find the person you will marry. Each of those men brings with them a sexual history.

When you have sex with someone, you will have a chemical tie with him or her for the rest of your life. Speaking of which, the same risks apply to sexual relations with a person of the same sex as you.

All right, so you are wondering why it is okay for adults to have sex, but not for teenagers?

Firstly, teens are more likely to have more partners in a shorter space of time, which increases your risks of falling pregnant or catching a disease.

Secondly, being unable to have a baby one day as a result of being uninformed would be devastating. Adults are aware of these things through experience; therefore it is too late to warn them. Rather appreciate the fact that you can now take your future into your own hands and do what you have to do to protect yourself and save yourself a lot of hearth ache.