Are you ready to have a baby?

Motherhood sure is a million times more rewarding than I imagined and brings so much more joy than I thought, especially when kids are provided with everything they need on each level:

Emotionally – a child needs a stable, loving home where they are emotionally prepared for the world out there. A child that is not emotionally catered for is insecure and could develop anti-social behaviour.

Physically – a child does not only need food not to be hungry, they also need the right nutrition. Junk food and sweets cause little angels to turn into hyperactive monsters in an instant and believe me the balance is fine. In addition, without the right nutrients kids become sickly and difficult. Besides healthy food kids need shelter, physical support to learn to do things such as walking, getting dressed, learning to do things by themselves and safety from physical or emotional harm.

Educationally – there is so much for a baby to learn, some things have to be taught repeatedly and when it is something that seems so simple to you, you need a lot of patience to teach it repeatedly.

Socially – you are the biggest influence in your child’s life; therefore they learn the most from you. They learn how to behave socially, how to build friendships and how to cope with various issues.

Spiritually – everyone has their own experience, beliefs and ideas about the mysteries of the universe and where it comes from. You need to act as a guide to your child in helping them understand and build up a relationship between them and their own spirituality.

The best of mothers have had days when things became too difficult. Post-partum depression happens to 80% of mothers in varying degrees. It is no indication of your weakness or lack of experience as a mother. It is all caused by that over-powering love for your child and something goes wrong with them and it is out of your control. One day you will understand when your child is in pain and you cannot take it away from them.

Motherhood

Soon enough Britney decided to have a bash at a normal life – what better way than with a baby?

A career is hard work and a baby is hard work – combining the two is a lethal mix! A baby stirs emotions inside of a woman that only a mother can understand. You just have to give it your best and you become your own worst critic, which does not mean the other critics out there give you any leeway or room for error – on the contrary.

I believe that I am a good mother: I do not let my kids out of my site and I do everything by the book. I do not rely on anyone else to supply any of his or her needs, be it educational, social, physical or emotional and spiritual. My kids have a stable home with lots and lots of love. Even though I feel secure in the knowledge that I do my best, I get very tired and drained at times – yes it is worth it! Yet there are still times I have to answer to people from other generations as to why I make certain decisions where my kids are concerned. This does not happen to mothers over the age of 30 and it really hurts me as my kids are often more advanced and adjusted than mothers who do not “overprotect” their kids.

Being financially prepared for a child is not as straight-forward as relying on the income of the baby’s father whilst you play housewife, or perhaps a child grant from the government or even maintenance from an absent father.

Lately, girls as young as 14 have been getting pregnant deliberately so that they could get child grants. One girl is still at school, however she is pregnant with her third baby. Unfortunately they do not realize that a child grant does not cover the expenses that go with having a child. There is medical expenses, the cost of supplying food, shelter and clothing, childcare when you are working or attending school… the list is endless. Then of course, there is the costs that occur due to the changes in your body when it is forced to perform functions that it is not yet ready for.

The same applies to your mind, when you force that to deal with issues it is not yet ready for.

What does it take to be a mommy?

I wanted a baby from about the age of 5. Being the youngest child, playing with my dolls, it seemed so awesome to be a mommy. My mom used to cringe when I was about 13 and said I wanted a baby and the urge became bigger as I got older. Surely there cannot be that much to it? You simply have to cope with being fat for 9 months and then be sure to bath, feed and change the baby and cuddle it when it cries. Easy peasy!

Not so fast!

Firstly, you have to be emotionally and financially prepared to bring a child into this world. As you may have realized by now, life is not always plain sailing. Even people whose lives seem to be perfect on the outside have difficult things to contend with from time to time.

Look at Britney Spears for instance – her life should be a fairytale: awesome career, bucketsful of money, cool friends, millions of guys would just love to call her their girlfriend and two gorgeous baby boys. As you know – her life has been pretty rough lately with wild behaviour and emotional breakdowns in public, a divorce and now her boys’ dad has custody of them and she has to be supervised around them.

I still do not think Britney is a bad mother. She is a young girl like you and I who missed out a on a lot in life. I can hear you saying “Puhleaaze! Britney had the best of the best!”. Not true, I would know, because I was also trying to build a business at the age of 19. I was also attending glitzy functions when I should have been sobbing my eyes out at a chick flick with my girlfriends, or painting nails in preparation for a date with a normal person.

Success at a young age is admirable, but the cost is huge.

Birth control and preparing for motherhood

Nothing can compare a first time mommy for the emotional roller coaster ride of having a baby. Babies do not conform to your set routine and they do not just fit into your schedule and that can be very hard for a perfectionist mommy! In addition, you need to be strong when everyone is telling you what you should do with your baby when you are the one who read all the latest baby magazines – last month, not 30 years ago…

Of course you should be financially able to cope. I do not advocate that you should wait until you can afford all the latest, most expensive gadgets available or until you have saved up for Baby’s entire Doctorate in brain surgery… but you should be able to supply their basic needs and then some.

A good idea would be to check out some information on the Internet or books to help prepare you for the adventure.

A child is a lifelong commitment – not a hobby that you can merely toss to the side when you are tired of it.

If you are up to it, remember that does not mean plain sailing all along, but it sure is worth the sacrifices along the way!

There are various methods of birth control on the market; I suggest you visit your family doctor or family planning clinic for more information, if you choose to have sex.

There is however a reason why its called birth control and I want you to think about it. The problem with most methods of birth control is that it protects you to some degree from falling pregnant, but it does not protect against Sexually Transmitted Diseases, else it would be called STD-control and not birth control.

Birth control hormones wreck your endocrinal system, as happened to me. After my children were born when I was just short of 21 years of age, I needed to start taking birth control and the Pill made me crazy, which meant that I needed anti-depressants. Later I decided to try the injection, which made me menstruate continuously for two months. I finally found something else which is more permanent, convenient and natural, however that is only available from gynecologists and it is only for women who have already had kids. The point is that you will have to use birth control for many years, so the later you start, the better.

Just remember that having a child when you yourself are still a child, is the cruelest thing you could ever do. A child has the right to two parents, especially in the formative years.

Babies, the latest fashion accessory

Let us face it, second to cute little dogs such as Paris Hilton’s Tinkerbell, a baby on the arm has become the latest fashion accessory. We no longer wait for a wedding band and white picket fence to have children and many mommies are now doing it for themselves with the help of artificial insemination. For infertile couples the option of IVF is available, or we can just adopt a little orphan from Cambodia. Another trend, along with their toy boys, is for older mothers to have children, thereby having more time to carve out a career and becoming financially secure before taking the big step. Teenage pregnancy too is on the rise with teens that want to become independent or to avoid school. No matter how you do it though, there are a few things you need to be aware of before taking the plunge. A baby is not a gift you can give without thinking it through properly – so discuss the implications with your partner. Be sure that you are both ready to do what it takes to have a child. If you plan to do it solo – you should first seek counseling to ensure that you really are up to it. Do not use a baby just to fill a void. Are you emotionally prepared for it? Your relationship with your partner needs to be strong. Do not do it if you have relationship problems - baby cannot be used as glue to fix a broken relationship.

Other than that, you don't have JL's infrastructure, which includes a name that ensures income - you have to work for yours. She also has a very supportive family - your family may not be as supportive. Her family will ensure that she doesn't become a single mother.

Come on - just leave Hollywood be and be your own person!

It can happen to you too

Gonorrhea and AIDS are not the only risks. Aside from broken hearts, shame, regret and emotional damage, following here are some of the major STD’s that you risk contracting when you engage in sex.

Chlamydia - This is possibly the most common cause of sterility in men and women because it usually has no symptoms until it is too late. Approximately half of the people infected are 15-24 years old. If not treated, the infection can cause a potentially deadly infection in women called pelvic inflammatory disease or worse.

Syphilis - In men, non-painful sores appear on genitals, then fever and enlarged lymph nodes. In women, the sores usually go unnoticed and lead to the same symptoms as men. The final stage brings brain disorders, heart disease and death.

Genital Herpes - This incurable disorder brings periodic eruption of painful blisters and ulcers and degeneration of the immune system causing you to become run down and causing you to contract infections easily.

HPV - Human Papilloma virus - In men, wart-like genital growths appear which can lead to cancer of the penis. In women the virus can cause vulvar burning, itching and pain. If not treated, it can develop into cancer. Thirty three percent of women have this virus.

Hepatitis B - Initially, tiredness, dark urine and a gray-colored stool occur. It can cause severe liver damage and lead to cirrhosis and cancer of the liver.

This information is not a ploy to scare you off sex for the rest of your life – I am merely trying to warn you of hard facts that nobody is telling you about, facts that may remain unknown to you and may well destroy your dreams and future.

What sex does to the emotions

For many young people, the amount of sexual partners they have or had in the past, is a gauge of how ‘cool’ they are.

As a teenager I had a lot of crushes on men, buy my mom taught me that I should keep my virginity. I’d be so excited when a guy I had a crush on gave me attention, or kissed me.

Later I started seeing a pattern forming, each boy who kissed me also wanted to have sex with me and every time I refused, they would just avoid me afterwards. My friends started talking about their sexual encounters and the pattern that formed there, was even worse. They would sleep with guys and the guys would avoid them afterwards too. In one instance, the guy told everyone about his encounter with the girl and she was mortified, as any self-respecting girl would be in that situation.

Now, in the circles where I move with married women, I see a lot of hurt. Women have realized that sexual experiences have a different meaning to men that they do to us and that they don’t necessarily bring couples closer together, or force a union.

For myself, once I have realized that Wade is the man I will be spending the rest of my life with and since I have become born again, I have wanted to be pure for Wade and for God. As a born again person, you do become pure of spirit (the aim is to keep it that way) but you can never break the chemical ties of your past.

A friend of mine had sex with many men when she was young. It boosted her confidence, which was crushed by her father telling her that she was fat and ugly and would never find a man to love her.

When she finally found a great man who cared for her, she was unable to enjoy making love to him and eventually, it stopped completely. She felt dirty and used by all the men of her past. She began hating men and her relationship ended.

Sex is a beautiful experience between two secure, loving adults. Sex cannot force a connection or a commitment; neither can it force someone to love you. A first sexual experience with a new partner is almost always a disaster and you cannot create that intense attraction a man needs in order to fall in love through sex.

Rather wait until you find the person who will wait for you – it will be so much more worth it!

Be wise about sex

Some of my friends have used sex to motivate a guy to commit to them - perhaps without realising it. Initially they would give in to sex and even enjoy it, particularly if a relationship forms. Women usually need that special emotional bond that comes with being physical with a man, believing he would feel the same. Once that bond is established, a woman would be more inclined to refuse. The man would still want as much sex, but in the woman’s mind, subconsciously, there would be some element of guilt or fear (of pregnancy perhaps) or perhaps she might feel that she now has “caught” him and soon enough she would start to feel like 'a piece of meat'. See, in young sexual relationships, the attention is soon diverted away from the courting process, where we are made to feel beautiful and special, to where sex is the focal point in a relationship.

Guys are not all about sex, but when they get it they are very happy. Men are hunters and they need to conquer, but conquering a woman of virtue is much more of a victory than getting some girl in bed. My mom always used to say that men want to date a wild girl, but marry a decent girl.

Believe it or not, but to a guy it is your personality that counts, the fact that you are a caring and good-natured person and your attitude to life is an important factor too. Taking care of your body and emotional well-being is a big plus!

If a person does not want to be in an exclusive relationship with you in order to have sex with you, he is not worth it!

A good frank talk upfront would be a good step to take:

• Discuss previous sexual partners - be sure not to act jealously, but mature and responsible. You don’t need to know the content of his sex-life, but to understand what you are up against and it will tell you a lot about him.

• Discuss sexual expectations - i. e. what and how often, anything you are not prepared to do.

• Discuss contraception and safe sex - what to use and who is responsible for what.

• Discuss the possibility of pregnancy and each person’s expectations regarding that.

• Share any information regarding previous or possible current sexually transmitted diseases.

All of this should be discussed upfront. That way you are aware upfront of both partners' expectations and views and you never need to argue about sex.

Remember to never, ever use sex as a tool to "catch" a man unless you are prepared to either keep up the act or learn to love sex.

I do not believe in casual sex, no matter how safe it is. I could go on reminding you of the fact that you can very easily catch diseases. . . Remember - if he can do it with you, he can do it to you. If you have casual sex with 2 people who have casual sex with two other women who have casual sex with 2 other people each and those people have sex with 2 women. . . . Yeah - I figured you would not like to go there! The picture also is not that great if you half these figures either.

At your age, relationships are not likely to last forever; hence you will end up sleeping with a few people before you find the person you will marry. Each of those men brings with them a sexual history.

When you have sex with someone, you will have a chemical tie with him or her for the rest of your life. Speaking of which, the same risks apply to sexual relations with a person of the same sex as you.

All right, so you are wondering why it is okay for adults to have sex, but not for teenagers?

Firstly, teens are more likely to have more partners in a shorter space of time, which increases your risks of falling pregnant or catching a disease.

Secondly, being unable to have a baby one day as a result of being uninformed would be devastating. Adults are aware of these things through experience; therefore it is too late to warn them. Rather appreciate the fact that you can now take your future into your own hands and do what you have to do to protect yourself and save yourself a lot of hearth ache.

Contemplating sex

This time in your life is filled with mixed emotions: it is exciting to be growing up and being given some more leeway here and there, but there are many new emotions to deal with and to try and cope with. Body changes is one of the harder things to talk to others about, especially your parents.

I will not spend time on this article talking much about the physical act of sex; there is enough information out there and on the Internet on this topic. This book is about issues that teenagers want to know about and that nobody ever answers.

Sex can take on many forms depending on the attitude of both partners:

• It can be a beautifully intimate experience between two loving people

• It can be a physical gratification exercise for both partners

• It can be a meaningless act during which one person experiences pleasure at the others’ expense

• It can be a currency which we use to ‘buy’ the love of our partner

The topic of sex has been taken too lightly in recent years with young girls taking too many chances and getting hurt in the process.

I am well aware of the fact that you will take to heart only what really touches your heart in this chapter and I pray to God that you will be open-minded and realize that there is no benefit for me in you having sex or not having sex and that this book is for your benefit only. I know that it has not been “cool” to abstain from sex until you are married for many years.

Many men feel that in the beginning of a relationship a woman would do anything for them where sex is concerned and then it would change the moment they commit or the relationship becomes serious. Therefore, many guys would initially push for sex early on, but if you command respect and make your wishes clear, he will be more than happy to wait – that is, if he is worth your wait.

Some of my friends have used sex to motivate a guy to commit to them - perhaps without realising it. Initially they would give in to sex and even enjoy it, particularly if a relationship forms. Women usually need that special emotional bond that comes with being physical with a man, believing he would feel the same. Once that bond is established, a woman would be more inclined to refuse. The man would still want as much sex, but in the woman’s mind, subconsciously, there would be some element of guilt or fear (of pregnancy perhaps) or perhaps she might feel that she now has “caught” him and soon enough she would start to feel like 'a piece of meat'. See, in young sexual relationships, the attention is soon diverted away from the courting process, where we are made to feel beautiful and special, to where sex is the focal point in a relationship.

Guys are not all about sex, but when they get it they are very happy. Men are hunters and they need to conquer, but conquering a woman of virtue is much more of a victory than getting some girl in bed. My mom always used to say that men want to date a wild girl, but marry a decent girl.

Believe it or not, but to a guy it is your personality that counts, the fact that you are a caring and good-natured person and your attitude to life is an important factor too. Taking care of your body and emotional well-being is a big plus!

If a person does not want to be in an exclusive relationship with you in order to have sex with you, he is not worth it!

How much should you tell?

It is normal to want to know everything that has happened in his past; all his previous sexual encounters he had and with whom, in detail, in order to achieve an open and honest relationship. It is a great goal if you could achieve it and share all these intimate details and both you and your partner could forget about it afterwards, it is however not that simple for most people.

Hearing your partner recount some things they shared with another person could haunt you forever - especially if it is with someone you have met or know about. Therefore it is better to speak of your past in general terms and not to go into detail.

Is it always pleasant to know? I do not think so and that is exactly why he may be hesitant to share them with you.

Of course it is important when embarking on a sexual relationship to know some details and possible risks associated with his past.

It is good to remember that you may also have a past that involved sex with other people and you may be hesitant to share this with him. It may be something you'd like to forget.

Past memories are kept in your mind for ages and they are often remembered when you experience smells, tastes or visions from your past and if you share memories with your partner and they notice you acting strange every time you are reminded of an ex, they will also be reminded of that particular incident and may get resentful.

If it is a burden for you to carry, then why put the burden onto him as well? It is much simpler to keep it light and just create your own unforgettable memories and it is always nice to have good memories to go back to. . . Best of all - nobody needs to know!