Love yourself

Insecurity affects most young girls; once again body changes being a big culprit in this matter.

If damage caused by insecurity stopped at shyness, it would be less of an issue, but it leads to worse issues, such as over-compromising in the wrong areas.

Some men have a peculiar sense in finding young girls that are insecure and then take advantage of them.

When I was 14 years old, I met an older guy who was attractive to me and he gave me all the attention a girl could ever ask for. He wrote me long letters almost daily and told me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me. He wanted to wait for me to complete my school career and we’d get married as soon as I did. He told me that he would buy all the Tupperware we needed and a nice house; we would have beautiful kids and be happy ever after. I was floating on cloud number 9.

Eventually he moved away when he found a job, but continued writing to me, telling me how much he is missing me and looking forward to his next weekend at home. I saw him again on Christmas day when he brought his fiancé to be introduced to my parents. My heart shattered into a million pieces.

All those letters and cards and declarations of love meant nothing to him. I was just a little confidence boost whilst he had no confidence either. Until today he has no stable career and has done nothing towards his future. He is divorced from the lady he left me for and had a baby with.

Thinking back about it now, I cannot recall one intelligent conversation we ever had, but I was madly in love. Everyone warned me to stay away from him. I am just very happy that I never gave in to his advances and that I never had sex with him.

Try understanding that you are not alone with your insecurity. Even those who seem very confident, have issues with insecurity. These are possible signs that you are insecure:

• Obsession with your looks – trying to ‘fix’ everything about yourself or trying to emulate someone that you admire
• Shyness – you don’t make friends easily and stay out of the limelight
• Playing down compliments or achievements

Sometimes you may be well aware of your insecurity and you may try to hide it by acting in ways such as these:

• Acting wild to get into the limelight
• Aggression or irritability
• Substance abuse

There is no quick fix, but you could try build up your self-esteem by doing the following:

• Accept failure – nobody is perfect; we all fail at some point in our lives.
• Don’t come to hasty conclusions – you may be wrong in your assumptions.
• Don’t dwell on the past; every hurdle brings you closer to the finish line.
• Face your fears – you will see that it’s not as difficult as you thought.
• Reward yourself for every achievement, no matter how small.
• Positive self-talk – see the good in you and build on that.
• Don’t let insults break you down – those that insult you may well be jealous of you.

In your gratitude journal (discussed elsewhere in this book), make a point for writing something you love about yourself daily. If your hair looks good, write it down. If you did well in a test, write it down.

Milk compliments for all their worth! Don’t play them down. People wouldn’t compliment you if they did not mean it. If you play down compliments, it comes across as though you don’t appreciate it and people will be less likely to compliment you again.